Saturday, August 14, 2010
I think I'm getting back to blogging..
It's the only way I can get all my emotions out even if no one wishes to listen to me..
It has been 2 months since i last blogged, 2 months and it happened again..
The fourth time.
I can't believe how time passes and pple tends to forgive, forget and everything all over again.
Am I just too soft hearted, too stupid, too naive or what?
It is so so hard to build up trust once again.. And when I thought everything is fine and could last for long.. It strikes again.. My heart dropped.. Each time worser and worser..
I really feel like giving up this time round esp when you don't seem to feel that you are in any wrong at all.. I'm struggling.. What should I do? What should I do? I can't bear to let go yet I don't want to suffer anymore.. You have no idea how badly it hurts.. Cos you have never got to feel this way.. this way that you are treating me.
What have I done to deserve all these? Can you please tell me? Have I not done good enough?
How am I going to stop thinking when these all matters to me.. alot. I'm scared but I got to hide? I'm badly hurt but I got to act as if nothing happens? To forgive you once again? Telling you once again that I don't like pple to lie to me? Asking you to promise me again? Waiting for time to pass again and then everything starts happening again and again?
How many times you need to lie to know, to understand what I am feeling, what I am going through?
How to trust when you are not giving me the chance to trust?
I'm hurt.
And I guess I will just have to accept the truth that no one, nothing can be trusted.
All I can do now is to pretend..
nothing has happened.
6:27 PM